Circles [Poem]

I've been here before,
this exact place
same me, same emotion,
same everything.
I'd like to learn to
walk on water--
this road keeps taking me
to the same places.

Why can't I drift somewhere
new and let go of these
circle patterned steps
of mine? Stuck in the same
situation, different day.

Yesterday I woke up,
Today I woke up,
Will tomorrow finally
be the day I just rest in
peace? I wonder too much
how that would feel like.
Would I be scared? Would
I see you there?

I don't know what I'm saying...

Like my feet my speech
is going around in a circle.
Around my mistakes, around the
past that once swallowed me and
spit me out in pieces. I found myself and
put me back together just to let
it reoccur.

I'm an idiot,

I lose. I lose. I lose.
The only way I can win is by
going forward which scares me
shakes me puts me on an avalanche
and drops me. I've never
seen the future leaving me
unaware of what it holds.
How do I know it won't chase
me away back into the
hungry mouth of my past?

Hope is all I have
by my side but who
knows what will happen
out side of my circle.