Tiffany
Jamie
*Tiffany is at her house sitting on the sofa reading when Jamie comes in and starts talking.*
Jamie: I can’t believe this
Tiffany: *jumps* yea me either
Jamie: *pacing* How did this happen?
Tiffany: Yea…how did this happen?
*long silence*
Tiffany: No really how did you get in here?
Jamie: *jingles keys*
Tiffany: *feels pockets* you stole my keys!
Jamie: Just to make a copy…
Tiffany: I always knew you were a ninja…
Jamie: Anyways I have a problem…I think David is cheating on me.
Tiffany: Define cheating
Jamie: Like stealing from the Monopoly bank while playing Life…what do you think!
Tiffany: Sorry but how do you know?
Jamie: I found these *pulls out boxers*
Tiffany: Um those are boxers..
Jamie: *throwing them down* he doesn’t wear boxers…
Tiffany: Whoa! T. M. I.
Jamie: No…I’m saying he prefers briefs.
Tiffany: That isn’t any better.
Jamie: Shut up, I think it’s pretty hot.
Tiffany: Yea...He’s all nice and snug
Jamie: Oh shut up. *looks through backpack again & pulls out a razor*
Tiffany: Kid…those are razors
Jamie: I know. David doesn’t shave.
Tiffany: *laughs* sooo you’re dating a Yeti!?!?
Jamie: No…he just prefers waxing
Tiffany: As all men do…
Jamie: That’s not all! Just wait til you see this *pulls out a man purse*
Tiffany: Okay…it’s a bag
Jamie: It’s not mine
Tiffany: Is it for his laptop?
Jamie: *shakes head* no
Tiffany: Well...um
Jamie: This doesn’t make sense
Tiffany: Kid…that’s a satchel
Jamie: A what?
Tiffany: A man purse
Jamie: *looks confused* what?
Tiffany: Jamie…I think this mystery lady is a mistress man.
Jamie: What…what are you saying?
Tiffany: I think David is with a man
Jamie: I know he’s a man…he’s my man and I don’t appreciate *Tiffany cuts off*
Tiffany: No…I think David is gay.
Jamie: *long pause* Wait like Rosie O’Donnell gay or Justin Beiber gay?
Tiffany: So what if he sleeps on rose petals. Justin Beiber is not gay. He is a post op transsexual. Poor girl. But yea JB gay
Jamie: Oh. Mi. Gawd.
Tiffany: Gawd had nothing to do with this.
Jamie: A man...a man!!!
Tiffany: Well that’s usually what gay means.
Jamie: I can’t believe this.
Tiffany: He is gay… let’s find him and kill him
Jamie: A MAN!!!
Tiffany: You can not beat yourself up about this… it wasn’t your fault.
Jamie: A MAN!!!
Tiffany: It could be worse
Jamie: How in the transsexual gay world could it be worse?
Tiffany: At least it’s not a dog.
Jamie: Why would it be a dog?
Tiffany: Hey Texas is number three in the country for bestially.
Jamie: Is that the point??
Tiffany: Ah, you’re right. Okay well, you just found out that your boyfriend is cheating on you. With a man.
Jamie: I don’t know what to do.
Tiffany: Kill him that’s what we do
Jamie: Okay Xena Warrior Princess just go kill him
Tiffany: It’s Walker Texas Ranger and I shall. Where is he?
Jamie: I don’t know… out with…the guys *starts crying*
Tiffany: Hey! Whoa! None of that. You are not about to cry over some guy.
Jamie: But Tiff we’ve been together for so long
Tiffany: So have him and his love for men. This didn’t just happen over night you know. We just have to get him to confess it.
Jamie: But what if I’m wrong. What if they belong to a friend or his brother.
Tiffany: That would explain the boxers and razors… not the bag. Where did you find it?
Jamie: Under the bed… I was dusting.
Tiffany: Dusting? You were dusting under your bed? Never mind…did you look inside it?
Jamie: No
Tiffany: *grabs the bag* amateur! *opens the bag and looks around and drops it*
Jamie: What!?! What’s wrong?
Tiffany: Nothing it’s just empty
Jamie: *pushes her and picks up bag* Well that doesn’t help.
Tiffany: Okay I say we call up Daisy
Jamie: DAVID!
Tiffany: Yea um David…I say we call him and ask him about them.
Jamie: Wait someone is calling me. *looks at phone* It’s him!
Tiffany: Pick it up!
Jamie: *picks up* Hello. Oh hey honey, I’m with Tiffany. Have I seen your what? Oh the bag your mom got you for your birthday, yea I moved it when I was dusting. You need it now… okay well I’ll come home and help you look for it. Your brother left some boxers and razors at the house that he’s coming to pick up? Oh okay I’ll help you look for those too. Okay love you too bye. He’s not gay!!!
Tiffany: That’s not something people say everyday.
Jamie: Oh. Mi. Gawd. I can’t believe I thought he was cheating on me. I’m so silly
Tiffany: Hey you went with your gut feeling, it was wrong but no one got hurt.
Jamie: Yea that’s true well I better get home and pretend to find these things.
Tiffany: *picking up the book again* Yea sounds like a good idea.
Jamie: *packing stuff up* Thanks Tiff for listening. You’re such a good friend. Where would I be without you.
*long pause*
Tiffany: *still reading/ looks up* Oh hey you’re still here. What’s up?
Jamie: Never mind catch you later.
Tiffany: KK bye *goes back to reading*
Jamie: *comes back in and stands where she was when she first came in* But wait how do you explain this wig I found under the bathroom sink.
Tiffany: GEEEEZUSSSS
-End-
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